a bit explosive on the edges

I have a lot running through my mind and all the things I'm trying to work through and keep track of get a bit tangled in my mind:

Do I really want to spend the next two.5 years at olaf? Where am I going abroad? When? How can I make my classes all fit? What am I going to do next summer?

What can I do to make sure my mom gets taken care of, when it's not my job to do so? How can I learn to live apart from my parents and how can I learn to live with them? How is my relationship with my uncles affected by my mother's?

Why is it that I feel so capable of loving but don't have chance to show that sometimes? Do I imagine things onto people, loving who I want them to be? I only do that with a few people. But I wish I didn't. Why don't people fall in love with me the way I need them to? I don't need them to, most of the time. Why is the past sticking so hard? Why do haircuts make me feel so good?

I welcome winter. Let's go sledding.