i was confronted yesterday about being a bad friend to some people. that may or may not be true, i don't know. i know i'm being a good friend to some people, i'm going to try not to let that be at the expense of others.
somehow i was falling in love i think. and it was nice, and it hurt. but apparently i needed you and you don't need me. and i loved her and he loved you and she loved me and none of it mattered. i'm always going to care. it gets harder, and they say it gets easier too. someday can't come soon enough.
if i'm the one who did the leaving,
why do i feel left behind?
in high school even if the things I did didn't make the world better in ways everyone could see, I did feel like I mattered. I mattered to the people around me. I could be myself all the time, I was happy and happy was me. and later in my life maybe i will do things that make the world feel better. but for now i feel pointless and as much as i like the people here at school..... i just miss my girls. i miss the girls at FR and it's hard to know that i feel like i can't live without them and i don't know how to be myself without them, they are... fine without me. they don't need me. and it probably doesn't hurt them to see my name on facebook like it does me.
and that needs to change. i need to be able to become myself here. but in the end, i don't want to.
i've got to be the change. i've got to come home. three more days.
i might see you sooner than you think.
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