when the summer's over and the dark clouds hide the sun

I've spent the past day being overwhelmed. By homework, but mostly by everything else. I didn't realize so many things were weighing down on my psyche until... I realized. And I have so much I'm trying to process right now, and I really can't handle it. Though I feel much better now. I'm trying to just breathe and think about other things, I can't figure it out all at once. But I think it would help me to write it out, so here's the first WHAT'S ON MY MIND post. I'll start easy.

My Summer Plans

So last month I decided to go to France during July. I'd spend the month with Agathe (exchange sister), with a week at her grandparents' house and two weeks of scout camp. I'd be co-leading a girl scout summer camp. Now when I decided this, I wasn't excited. But I figured I'd get excited. And I haven't. I just... don't really care that much. And finally yesterday I woke up and realized that I'm not sure I want to go. I decided to go because... I don't know. Other people were excited about it; it's an opportunity I should take.... I dunno. But I didn't decide to go because I WANTED to. Now, I very well might want to, but the rest of that is clouding my clarity on the situation. So I'm taking some time thinking about it and... getting nowhere. I just don't feel like going there would help me become the person I want to be. I have limited time in my life, what if there are things I'd rather do? What if I just want to go to the library every day, volunteer, take photos downtown, make a documentary, have picnics, take a dance class? But what if I do want to go and just don't know it? It would be nice to know what I want. I know both are good options, but it's just one more thing in my head that I could do without.