the problem with getting what you want is realizing its not what you want after all

hope has been my refuge
for quite a while now
i never realized it was hope that could hurt me
but the judges have decided
and i guess have begun to unravel
my desire-cloth.

why did you let me believe it was possible
but when it was my fault that it never was
because i denied
nothing
and refused
everything and
fuck
i tried so hard
but with every word
and every known secret
and everything i learn
i felt the floor drop feet from under my stomach

and still i fall a little more
but with every word and
fuck
i had forgotten love hurt so much
and tell me who you love
so that i might resemble them

though such cheating is no way to happiness
but i'd take a little happy now and
fuck
fill me up with
a little more hope too

please

--------------------------------------------------------
in other news, the snow has begun to melt YAY. So maybe soon I can begin to hang out with the people who matter. (not that my parents don't matter, but you know.)
and don't worry about me. i'm just doing my isolation-emo thing. lonelysick, you know. it'll be over soon.