today today today

here's what's swirling to the top of my pensieve today:

my thoughts are greatly captured by the past at present
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i had one of those weird moments on wednesday where you convince yourself that something big and scary is about to happen, and your nightmares are coming true. And then it doesn't happen and you're disappointed. huh?
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here's what you should know about me- today's version (aka random facts):
i feel very intensely
i want everyone to be happy
i love to be happy
i won't eat capers
i love RENT
i've never known anyone to be in love with me, but i've been in love more than once
i'm almost always re-reading a HP book
i like it when people ask me personal, specific questions
i honestly think i'm a good person
i believe in gender fluidity
i believe in just about everything fluidity
i'd light a candle every night if they were allowed at school
i find something appealing in socialism... in theory
i love to sing loudly
i miss playing soccer, even though i didn't like it when i played
i miss theater; summer musicals
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like a forest calm
i feel pains of love that
lead me to belong

if you were to ask
the real me where she's living
she'd say "at my school"

copper strings allow
no escape from loving you
so part of me stays
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i want to be touched all over
to put my hands on parts of
you just to learn
not just get a hug
like from anyone
i want you to touch me
it will be an announcement
a confession
a question
a response
it will be a greeting and a not-knowing
i hope someone wants to touch me
i wonder.
i think it could be my cure
i am not asking for sex
but to matter
not just to matter in theory
but to matter physically
an outward sign
so i want someone to announce and confess me.
and i promise i will feel that.