i'd rather be sailing yes i would

New Favorite Musical: A New Brain
New pondering: I felt lonely on Valentine's day, but not in the normal way. i felt like i'd missed out on something that's been a part of most other people's lives so far, but that i've had a sort of life they can't understand either.

I feel like I'd rather be more together or more alone than I am now. Either have someone I rely on, someone who wants to protect me, or be more .....something (isolated?) than I am now. I was laying curled in a ball on the floor, cozy, resting, and realized i either wanted to
1) Have someone there curled up next to me (or at least believe there was someone who wanted to be there)
or
2) Be in a cabin in the woods, in the wild, with no one else there. I was remembering what that felt like, just me and the world, and how calming that was, too.

I feel like I'm always wishing for something different, though. The way it is is going to be just fine, i guess.