meanderings of my insecure mind

Yeah, I know. It's the thought that counts. It matters that I care, that's what keeps everyone together. Blah, blah, whatever. I wish I that was enough for me. I really do.
You might be glad I care, you might find it comforting to know, you might look at me from afar, you might remember that it was nice, you know, when we really knew each other. Too bad that's not enough. When I say I'm here if you need me, of course I mean that. And yes, I don't want you to do what's not best for you. But I'm not just saying that for you, I'm saying that for me too. I'm asking you to need me. Sometimes I fall asleep wishing someone did, once in a while.
I wish I wasn't so insecure, didn't need affirmation and validation so very much. I want to hear "I'm glad you're my friend" and still believe three days later that it's true. But what if in those three days you realized you didn't care? What if I said something, what if I'm too clingy? What if just as you're reading these words you realize you don't want to be friends with someone like me? That I'm not who you thought I was? That you like me fine, but in the end, I want more than you do and you can't take it anymore? When we don't talk for weeks is it cause we're both busy or cause you don't care and I'm too scared to call? I wish I didn't think like that.
So yeah, it's nice to hear and all, but only two people have ever told me they'd be my friend, no matter what happened, and wouldn't change their mind. Why can't I believe that of everyone?

On another note entirely, I must know the most beautiful people in the world, in every sense of the word. If you're reading this, you're probably one of them. If you're not reading this.... you're probably one of them.