After a capitally horrible day, a moment of reflection:
A somewhat unsettling calm in the deepest depths, perhaps indicative of a chaos to come. But an aura of present calm, constructed with truth and perspective. A blessing would be nice.
I finally cried today; the release was just what I needed.
Newsflash: boys (particularly those of the 3rd floor Hoyme variety) can be total jerks. I had forgotten what it felt like to be the scum of the earth. I think this kind of thing triggers middle school memories.
It was crying without knowing why; a trigger of emotions from events I don't remember. I wonder if the memories will ever return. Someday I think I'll find one of those kids and ask him: what happened? where did it all go wrong? and then i'll thank him. because 1. he will have changed, i'm sure of it. and 2. whatever it is i don't remember led me to a place that was just right for me.
I think tomorrow will be for being extra productive. And starting to pack. And playing guitar. And calling Caroline. And writing poetry and songs. I have a lot to think about and nothing much to say.
Here's to picnics and exploring the city with new friends and old. And old friends turned new! That's what I'm looking forward to.
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