on vocation, waiting, and twitterpation [springtime]

sometimes when i say nothing it is because i have nothing to say
but usually there is so much to say that i become overwhelmed and say nothing at all
otherwise i would have no sentences, just
the sky is so blue and this fabric is so soft and you amaze me
and i am too shy for this but suddenly too full of play to be shy
and my eyes follow that face back and forth
back and forth
without any intention of moving to a new spot
and so i sit and i wait for so many things that may never happen
i haven't learned yet to stop waiting
i wait and wait for inspiration to hit. to know what i want to do
and when and HOW. how to make the world more beautiful
like she does in that picture book i so love
i so love having hope
i so love this fluttery, heart-beating feeling
i so love knowing that someday i'm going to hear a voice and
i so love knowing that someday i'll do something no one has ever done
and it will be very hard. i hope it will be very hard, but i so love knowing that when done
with great care and great joy
whatever it is will be hard on the spirit but easy on the heart
the heart that beats
this heart that beats a waiting rhythm.
a rhythm to tap my feet to while i wait to be understood

waiting is regretfully what i know how to do today
waiting and dreaming and seeing a future easy to carry
a future
hard on the spirit but easy on the heart
this heart that beats so fast
this heart that is so ready
this heart that has so much love to give, but becomes overwhelmed and forgets how
but only remembers silently what should have been said
all the i love yous and i see yous and the hands i dream of touching
but silently withold until now

and once i will have said all those things, i will close my mouth again
and begin to wait again
to wait for the universe to respond.