standing revealed

I grew up wanting to be badass and edgy
enthralled by the people who
other people look away from sometimes
the ones you see walking down broadway
excited by colors that clash, scratchy voices, and the smell of cigarette smoke in the street
i'd like to be dirty in a fancy dress, climb a fence into a swimming pool in the dead of night, make out with someone I don't know, and wear a swimsuit all day
in january
i'd like to be the kind who swears a lot, but somehow makes the words sound like poetry
to wear those crazy lace-up boots
flannel t-shirts,
and be the first to try something that probably isn't fun
i'd like to dye my hair dark or bright, get it cut all shaggy or jagged
wear wristbands and a big belt
and get dreads for a day
I want to listen to my music
as loud as it goes, and play along on a bass guitar
I want to wear too much makeup and black lipstick

but unfortunately, I can't apply eyeliner; i've never really learned how
-note to self: try it sometime
looking new could be fun
I own a lot of plain shirts and my mom's old skirts
and from the outside, you might never guess how much I love System of a Down or Fall Out Boy
even along with the Louis Armstrong, Ryanhood, The Ark, Belle &Sebastian, and
you know, Bob Marley
you might not know my alter ego, but i'll introduce her to you sometime
I hang out with her sometimes
we get along
and she teaches me to integrate.

I must be the hidden-est badass you've ever seen
but damn if i'm not edgy